i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
