I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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