Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
