david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
