Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize