So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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