Small penises have feelings too.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
