so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize