My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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