My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He did a backflip because drugs
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
