The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize