My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I need to calm my uterus...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
