Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize