i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I could make wine with my vomit
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
