Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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