it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
