OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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