You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
