we have pet lesbian snakes
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
