Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
