I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
