My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
