In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
