So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
