I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
