It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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