If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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