found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
