If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
