I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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