how hairy? two words: wookie tits
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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