I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
