youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
