So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
