playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
