Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
