That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize