turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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