She's JV to your varsity
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
