i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
