I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
