Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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