I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
