I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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