Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
