Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
