apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
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