You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
