I feel like I'm in dance class right now
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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