I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
