I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
