i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
