i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize