Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
