we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
