i need an iv and a liver transplant
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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