I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
