I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
