im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
