I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize