What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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