I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
