Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
