I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
