dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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