WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I know her cup size but not her name....
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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