I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
