He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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