please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i came on her dog
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
