wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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