Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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