so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
